Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
