my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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