if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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