We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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