I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
