So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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