Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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