So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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