oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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