What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
