Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
