u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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