I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
