Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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