there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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