True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
