This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
