i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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