Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
