Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
