i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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