4 words: hood of his car
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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