he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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