im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
