..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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