got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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