omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
