I accidentally had phone sex last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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