He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
