How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
