Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
