Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
