everyone is single if you try hard enough
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
