In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
