all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
