he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
