There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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