I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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