I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Houston, we have a squirter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't turn off my feet"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
