well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
