Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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