Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
