Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
