There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
