At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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