Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
