Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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