either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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