Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
