By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
