Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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