You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
