what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.