The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.