when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i now understand why vodka
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.