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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night

  (631): View more from New York

  U should. Its a good ice breaker

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• (325): View more from Texas

  how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

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• (305): View more from Florida

  he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (707): View more from California

  I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  So... He's a barber?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (585): View more from New York

  don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?

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• (972): View more from Texas

  what food is Colorado known for?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Pot brownies.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder

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