fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
