Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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