You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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