you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
