I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
