Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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