I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I look excited, but its just a facade.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
