the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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