the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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