Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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