I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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