like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
