Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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