You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
