There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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