I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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