nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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