the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
