I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
