You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
