I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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