i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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