They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
