I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
