I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
