i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize