I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
