I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
