I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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