Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
