I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
