I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
